Bowled Over

Walking back from the library through Hyde Park today reminded of something. A few weeks ago the Leeds Weekly News ran a cover story on how the local bowling club felt oh so let down by the council over the issues of parking and their vandalised pavilion. Quite how this constitues front page news, even on a local weekly I don’t fully understand, but I guess we shouldn’t complain about coverage of “local issues”…

The first whinge from the local septegenarian middle-classes was how (other than those who are disabled) they were no longer able to park near their Green due to complaints about people driving on the park. Quite why the able-bodied amongst them can’t get the bus like the rest of us for a start I don’t know, maybe their poodles have eaten their legs or something. The second bit of moaning was the lack of money forthcoming from the council to repair their pavilion. This it seems jeopardises their forthcoming grandslam tournament with the superannuates of far-away Tadcaster who will have nowhere to park (Yorkshire Coastliner Service Number 843 takes the grand total of 38 minutes) or drink their tea (I’ve heard good things about the Moorish Cafe on Hyde Park Rd, c’mon and support a local business…)

OK, I will sincerely apologise for the parking issue. I did e-mail all 3 local councillors about wide-boy twats driving on the park (one of them digned to reply, but I guess spending £30k on a silly little fence that leaves all the entrances open anyway helps…) Sorry, some of us like to sit out and enjoy the sunshine without our kids getting mowed down. I guess it was inevitable the council would get totally the wrong end of the proverbial brown and sticky object, but hey, if you feel so hard done to why not just park there anyway. You won’t get done. The cops and park wardens are too busy trying to tackle the social menace of people trying to have a sneaky spliff than bother hassling people in cars, be they doddering toffs or rich-kids in Audi TTs.

Of course I sympathise about your pavillion, we’ve all had stuff trashed by scrotes, but can you not insure your property? I do. Sorry, much as I fully support council spending on leisure, I find it bordering on offensive that you think you should be fed cash when I can hardly walk down my street without falling six feet down a pot-hole, that my girlfriend has to walk her daugther into town through a heap of old mattresses and discarded needles. I bet Alwoodley’s and Far Headingley are all nice and clean and the streets don’t resemble those in Basra? Some of us are tackling some of these problems ourselves instead of griping in the press and hoping someone else’ll do it. Why don’t you get off your lazy geriatric arses and run a cake stall or something. Have a sponsored wank if you can remember how. There’s plenty of ways to raise cash for your club. I’ll even buy a nice victoria sponge.

Of course I know none of you will see this, so I may as well waste time on the Internet more productively talking Shite on Blackout Audio or looking at tits. But hey, it’s essay time again…